Tara Feinberg with her father Alan. Photo courtesy Tara Feinberg.

Ten years ago, 100 family members penned emotional letters to the loved ones they’d lost on 9/11, looking back on the decade since the attacks and sharing their personal memories. Collected and published by the organization Tuesday’s Children, the “Legacy Letters” not only stand as a written memorial to the victims, but also tell a powerful human story that captures the almost unfathomable long-term impact of the day. As the 20th anniversary approaches, we spoke with some of the families who contributed legacy letters in 2011 to ask about the evolution of their feelings and what they wish the world knew.

Today’s blog post — the first in a series highlighting these raw conversations —  features Tara Feinberg, who lost her father Alan Feinberg. Alan was an FDNY member serving as aide to the Battalion 9 Fire Chief on 9/11; he was 48 years old when he died rescuing others. Tara was 18 at the time. Today, she’s a married speech pathologist with two small children, living in New Jersey. Brian Curtis, who edited the compilation book, was ordained to perform her wedding ceremony.

“Everybody who was alive on 9/11 and old enough to remember can honestly say they weren’t the same person the next day.”

Alan Feinberg’s grandchildren Ace (left) and Reese Edgette, both 4, at the 9/11 Memorial. Photo courtesy Tara Feinberg.

How has your perspective changed since “The Legacy Letters” were published? 
I’ve become more aware of the state of the world as an adult. I’ve slowed down, I’ve gone more inward, I want to deal with the hard stuff. I’ve gotten caught up in some of the anxieties; a lot came to the surface when the kids [four-year-old twins] were born. And I think a lot of the fears I felt at first were not so much “new-mom”-related, they were more control-based because of the time the control got away from us. In the time since they were born, this has definitely become very real. My dad is really not here, he’s missing this. And I look at the kids and I think more about the legacy I have to leave for them. And I want them to be really proud of it. Grandpa was a hero. There was a really big fire and he died, he saved a lot of people. It’s not about me anymore, it’s about the next generation. It starts with them understanding and being aware of what happened.

If you wrote a second legacy letter today, what would you tell your dad?
I would say that we didn’t move on, we just figured out how to move forward. I have had time to process how I want to handle things, and I have clicked out of survival mode. I got my bachelor’s, my master’s, met my husband, had kids, bought a house … all because of him. That was our plan. I wish he was here for all those things, but I feel like he is. He lives in my kids, their personalities reflect him.

Tell us something about your dad that captures the essence of his personality. 
When I was learning how to drive, we were on Route 18, and he made me pull over because I wasn’t driving fast enough for him. He always had Jeeps, I drive one now, it makes me feel connected to him. My dad was a jokester, he really never grew up. We used to have sock fights in our house — he would take out all the socks and let my brother and me run around hitting each other with socks. And the game wasn’t over until someone cried. My dad was always funny and present. I feel like he’s still here sometimes, messing with me. So much of my kids’ joy and the way they act … it’s just like what my dad would have been doing.

What do you wish other people understood a little better about your family’s experience? 
I think I just want people to know that it’s still with us, the loss doesn’t go away, the grief doesn’t go away. The fact that my grief is public doesn’t mean it hurts less. That the littlest things can be a trigger. And that what happened on September 11th is responsible for so many unprecedented things that happened afterwards. I want this to be considered. The day changed everything. I just don’t want it to be forgotten.

Article originally posted by 9/11 Memorial staff

This July, we were thrilled to welcome 26 participants from 12 countries – including first-timers from Bosnia and Uganda – to the summer 2021 session of Project COMMON BOND.

Albeit held virtually, attendees were still able to form strong connections, as they could relate to each other on a level that those in their daily life couldn’t. Everyone had experienced the loss of a loved one due to terrorism, mass violence, violent extremism or war, and it was comforting to be immersed in a community of understanding.

We started the week with discussions around the themes of Courage and Grace. While we can’t share all of the details with you, as the conversations were private and intense, we can say that these small group meetings were certainly memorable. Everyone shared times when their courage and grace were tested and how these experiences have shaped their life journeys.

The program concluded with Dignity and Storytelling sessions. Although it may be daunting, friendships formed fast and participants were comfortable presenting poems reflective of their experience at Project COMMON BOND.

A very special thank you to Raffi Gregorian, Director and Deputy to the Under-Secretary-General UN Office of Counter-Terrorism, for joining us for a special Q&A session.

We look forward to – hopefully – gathering in person at the next session of Project COMMON BOND! Until then, we hope the bonds built and memories made through the screen continue to thrive in the months and years to come.

CLICK HERE to learn more about Project COMMON BOND.

We hosted another successful virtual 5K, celebrated the class of 2021 and launched a brand new organizational website.

Whether you’re a family member, service provider, supporter or just someone eager to learn more about what Tuesday’s Children has been up to, our newsletters have something for you!

CLICK HERE if you’re a supporter.

CLICK HERE if you’re a family member.

To all in our Tuesday’s Children community,

This year marks 20 years since the devastating attacks of Tuesday, September 11th, the event that created Tuesday’s Children as an organization to walk side by side with the 3,051 children who lost a parent that day.

Over the past 20 years, that mission has grown to provide services to some of our nation’s, and the world’s, most vulnerable populations. More than 42,000 people have benefited from our programs and today, we proudly serve America’s Gold Star families, those who answered the call to serve after 9/11.

In this extraordinary year, marking 20 Years of Service to our community, Tuesday’s Children is proud to honor and celebrate the children we’ve had the privilege to grow up with.

As the youngest reach the landmark of adulthood, we pause to reflect on all they have achieved. Throughout the year, we will be showcasing 20 inspirational stories from our community – stories of children, devastated, who have turned that tragedy into peace, hope and giving back – stories of mentors, advocates and peacebuilding leaders.

There will also be a full calendar of special events, and we hope everyone in our community will have the opportunity to get involved – from our Virtual Gala, to running and raising critical funds, to the simple act of lighting a light in memory of a loved one. Please keep an eye out for updates coming to your inbox on this and more, with our inaugural Memorial Day Virtual 5K launching next week.

Our families remain at the core of everything we do, and this year we look forward to continuing our journey together. We declared it two decades ago and the statement stands true today: we will #NeverForget.