Healing terror's wounds: Two teens who lost dads to terrorists bond over shared loss
Joanna Molloy, Columnist
New York Daily News
212 210-2374
Two 19-year-olds embraced in a bear hug with the bravado of brothers. Despite growing up in countries 4,500 miles apart, C.J. Quackenbush and George Tarr share a profound loss: Their fathers were killed by terrorists.
 C.J.'s father, Christopher, a 44-year-old founder of the investment banking firm of Sandler O'Neill & Partners, died on 9/11.
George's father and grandfather were murdered by warlord Charles Taylor's rebels in Liberia, and his mother died later. His grandmother fled with George and his two brothers to a Liberian refugee enclave in Staten Island.
Growing up, they kept their feelings to themselves.
"I was always very quiet in school," said George, a student at Bridgeport University. "I didn't talk to people much."
"You can try telling someone what you've been through, but if they haven't experienced something similar, it's pointless," explained C.J., a sophomore at the University of North Carolina.
His mother grew concerned. "She would ask me every year if I wanted to do stuff, like go to camp, and I wouldn't want to go. And then four years ago, she asked me about Project Common Bond and I suddenly decided, 'Why not?'"
The boys met at the eight-day camp, run by Tuesday's Children, a nonprofit serving the 3,000 children who lost a parent on 9/11.
Executive Director Terry Sears also offers it to teens from countries like Northern Ireland, Palestine, Israel, Russia, Spain, England and Sri Lanka.
"He's quiet and I'm quiet, but we both played soccer," George ventured, his usual solemn face breaking a smile. "Sports brings people together."
Their dads loved sports, too. C.J.'s father used to bring him to Madison Square Garden to watch the Knicks, and to Shea Stadium, where the dad bought 600 Mets tickets a season for disadvantaged kids. George said his dad "played and loved" soccer.
If love of sports started their friendship, the camp's seminars on healing and conflict resolution cemented it.
"There was one morning when we had a good session," C.J. recalled. "I wouldn't call it therapy. It was just talking; and it was supposed to be an hour, and it opened up into four or five.
"George told his story about Liberia; he lost both parents. I couldn't imagine that.
"That was the first time I really talked about my father. That really bridged the gap. After that, we started hanging out."
George is a great kid, C.J. said. "He collects coats for people who need them on Staten Island."
C.J. has come into the city to see George's "amazing" memoir video, "Out of the Fire."
"I've learned a lot about Liberia and other countries," C.J. said. "It showed me how much I have to brush up on my history, but also, how glad I am to be in this country. I'm very lucky."
In the conflict resolution workshop, designed at Harvard, "we'd pretend to have two sides of a problem, like a fight over water," George explained. "We'd figure out how are we going to solve it in nonviolent ways."
C.J. didn't rejoice the night Osama Bin Laden was killed: "It wasn't really a celebration to me. All the people I know who lost parents were not celebrating that night. It was some relief, I guess ... but it doesn't change anything. He lived 10 years longer than my father."
Neither young man believes the world will ever be rid of terrorism.
"I don't think you can eliminate it," C.J. said. "There will always be small groups of extremists, but you can limit it, one place at a time."
They're trying. George is studying diplomacy; C.J., political science. Among their fathers' last thoughts were probably ones of hope their children would be all right.
They're better than all right. These young friends, who have every excuse to continue the anger, may just lead a new generation of peacebuilders.
|
|
'It's so simple here. Everybody just gets it': The remarkable summer camp for the children of terror victims across the world
Last updated at 3:51 PM on 1st August 2011 They come from dramatically different cultures, and many don't even have a language in common.
But it doesn't matter to the 77 young people at a remarkable summer camp in Virginia, who each have a heartbreaking bond - they have all lost a loved one in a terrorist attack.
Project Common Bond started out as a way of bringing together children whose relatives died in the 9/11 attacks, but it's grown into an international project bringing together youths who have been scarred by terrorism.
One of those is 18-year-old Jason Vadhan, of Atlantic Beach, New York, whose grandmother was on United Flight 93.
When he arrived at the camp he didn't know anybody, but it didn't take him long to form profound relationships.
After he finished a roundtable and interviews with reporters last week, other campers gathered in an adjoining room and burst into applause when he walked in.
He said: 'I came here not knowing one person, and when that door opened and there were people cheering for us, I walked right up to a kid I met three days ago, and I gave him a hug and I cried.'
Project Common Bond is organised by Tuesday's Children, a non-profit group dedicated to serving the families of 9/11 victims. But the camp has, over the years, taken on a more international focus.
This summer's eight-day camp, held on the campus of a girls' private school about 40 miles west of Washington, included participants from eight countries, including, for the first time, Russia and Sri Lanka. The camp brings together children from the opposite sides of many conflicts. Many of the campers, who range in age from 15 to 20, return each year for the friendships, the sense of community and the shared experiences. Their lives are shaped by extraordinary events, but at Project Common Bond, they feel normal.
Julie Griffin, 19, whose father was killed on September 11, said: 'It's so simple here. Everybody just gets it.'
Losing a relative to terrorism is different because the tragedy plays out in public, said Fran Furman, director of counselling at Tuesday's Children.
She said: 'You're unique in a way that you didn't choose to be unique. It's very, very difficult to feel like you can connect and bond with other teens.' Yet at the camps, close relationships form instantaneously.
There's that deep connection,' said Caitin Leavey, 20, whose father, a firefighter, died while responding to the World Trade Center attack.
She said: 'One of my friends doesn't speak English, and I'm still able to communicate with her and make a lasting friendship. I think that's amazing.'
In the mornings, campers attend classes and group discussions on peacemaking and conflict resolution.
This year's theme was dignity: how terrorists took it away; how they can reclaim it; and how they can encourage it in others.
Some have even chosen conflict resolution as a college major or career path based on their camp experiences.
'I wanted to turn my tragedy into something positive,' said Caitlin, who's majoring in peace and conflict studies at New York University and wears a necklace with the name of her father's fire company, Ladder 15.
Afternoons at the camp are all about fun, with sports, drama, music, art and dance.
Mijal Tenenbaum wasn't sure fun would be part of the experience when she attended last year's camp in Belfast, Northern Ireland.
Mijal, a 17-year-old from Argentina whose father was killed in the 1994 bombing of a Jewish community centre in Buenos Aires, said: 'I thought it would be weird, that we would be here and be awkward all the time because there would be this big elephant in the room that we would not talk about.
But when she arrived, she said, 'it felt amazing'.
Another gathering for children of 9/11 victims, called America's Camp, will be held in two weeks in Hinsdale, Massachusetts. But Project Common Bond is the only one with international participants.
The tenth anniversary of September 11 has not been a major focus of this year's camp, although a few campers are painting a mailbox that will be installed at the 9/11 Memorial at Ground Zero, serving as a symbolic receptacle for messages of peace from around the world.
The killing of Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden, on the other hand, has come up frequently.
The responses have been wide-ranging, said Monica Meehan McNamara, a family therapist and scholar who designs the curriculum for the camp.
Some said they were happy and wanted to celebrate, while others argued another killing wouldn't solve anything.
Marie Clyne, 21, a camp counsellor from Lindenhurst, New York, whose mother was killed on September 11, said she felt more relief than joy.
She said: 'It was kind of like, finally the bad guy is gone.' But she added: 'I see both sides.'
Sometimes the campers are forced to abandon their preconceptions. Project Common Bond includes both Israelis and Palestinians, and young people who hail from opposite sides of other conflicts.
Richard John Hill, 18, comes from a unionist family in Northern Ireland, and his uncle was killed by the Irish Republican Army.
At Project Common Bond, he met someone from a nationalist family whose mother was killed by the IRA.
He said: 'That was entirely new to me. I can't explain how powerful that was.'
Organisers hope to hold the camp abroad again next year, possibly in Spain. In the meantime, campers use social media to stay in touch throughout the year, and some even travel to visit one another.
Mijal said she has someone to reach out to whenever she's feeling down. She said: 'It's nice to have friends all over the world who know what I'm talking about.'
|
United in tragedy, pair's bond strong
By LENN ROBBINS
Posted: 2:31 AM, July 27, 2011
The view from heaven was spectacular yesterday.
The view from heaven was one of smiles and wide eyes, of hugs and embraces, of love and hope.
Christine Spencer of Middletown, N.J., is certain her late husband, Robert, was looking down at his son and namesake, Robert, 9, whose grin was threatening to leave stretch marks on his face.
The youngster's father was one of the nearly 2,800 innocent victims killed in the 9-11 terrorist attacks that took down the Twin Towers.
Keith Pryde is just as sure that his sister, Julia, was reveling in the scene at the Beekman Beach Club at the South Street Seaport. He's certain Julia will be watching on Sept. 8, 2012, when he marries his fianceé and Robert serves as the ring bearer.
Julia Pryde was 23 when she was one of 32 whose precious lives were ended by a mad gunman on the Virginia Tech campus on April 16, 2007.
You wonder how so much death and sorrow could lead to the affirmation of life and joy that was so evident yesterday as the Yankees celebrated Hope Week by recognizing Tuesday's Children, a charity which matches children who lost a parent on 9-11 with a mentor.
You wonder how Keith and Robert, who have had to overcome grief most of us can never fathom, found one another.
But one thing is certain as you watch Keith ruffle Robert's hair while they did a battery of interviews -- this was meant to be.
"The first time we met Keith, we knew he was perfect for Robert," said Christine.
Keith Pryde saw a 2008 Tuesday's Children ad in a local newspaper looking for mentors. He says he thought about Julia, thought about society, thought about himself and picked up the phone.
Tuesday's Children paired Keith with Robert and a miracle was born.
"I couldn't have found a better mentee," Keith said. "Robert is funny, smart, full of energy, like most kids his age, just a great kid to be around -- lots of fun."
Robert, who'll turn 10 next month, believes Keith is the perfect mentor for him. Keith was honored yesterday as Tuesday's Children's 'Mentor of the Year.' Keith attends Robert's Little League games; they play video games, take trips to places such as the Liberty Science Center.
When Robert was asked what he wants to be when he grows up he replied "a mentor." "I want to help people. It feels good."
This is the mother of feel good stories. Just as Pryde was humbly accepting his award, he and Robert were awed by the appearance of former Yankees manager Joe Torre and current Yankees Mariano Rivera, Phil Hughes, Curtis Granderson, Steve Garrison and Cory Wade.
The mentors, mentees and Yankees enjoyed a barbecue lunch on the river before boarding a water taxi for a loop around the Statue of Liberty and up to the Stadium, where the Yankees played the Seattle Mariners last night.
The ride turned into a free-for-all with kids and Yankees bombarding each other with water balloons. The Yankees soaked each other with buckets of ice water.
Hughes told The Post that of the five charities the Yankees will recognize this week -- each gets a $10,000 donation courtesy of the Steinbrenner family -- he chose Tuesday's Children.
"As being a secondary New Yorker, for five years now, you feel closer to the events of 9-11," said Hughes.
Torre, a native New Yorker, choked up a couple of times yesterday as he recalled the events of 9-11, the Yankees' dramatic charge to the World Series and Game 7 loss to the Arizona Diamondbacks.
"We were reminded of a whole group of heroes -- the policemen and firefighters and EMS workers," said Torre. "We dial a number and they pick up."
Yesterday also brought to mind still another group of heroes -- mentors
|
Camp helps teens, young adults deal with terror trauma
MIDDLEBURG, Va. – In the morning, they talk about pain and loss. In the evening, it's s'mores and Tucked away in the lush green pastures of rural Virginia, 77 teens and young adults from the USA and eight other countries are spending this week at Project Common Bond, a camp where they're exploring their traumatic past while trying to create a peaceful future.
It's a camp that, on first thought, no one should want to be eligible to attend. Participants must have lost an immediate family member to a terrorist attack. Yet campers seem grateful and happy to be here.
"Because we've all been through something so traumatic and so similar but different at the same time, we all understand each other. And even though there are so many different languages, we all felt the same hurt that not everyone else understands," says Julie Griffin, 18, from Waldwick, N.J., whose father died in the north tower of the World Trade Center on Sept. 11, 2001.
The camp is sponsored by Tuesday's Children, a 9/11 victims organization. The first camp was held in 2008 and has met each year since in different locations, including Northern Ireland. This year, it's being hosted by the Foxcroft School, which during the academic year serves as a boarding and day school for girls.
Discussions, sports, dancing
Each summer, the teenagers, many of them returning, come to discuss their experiences while taking part in typical camp activities such as swimming, sports, campfires and dancing.
Though many of the participants lost family on 9/11, other attendees lost family members to terrorists in Northern Ireland, Russia, Sri Lanka, Israel and the Palestinian Territories.
The participants hold discussions in the morning and take part in recreational activities in the afternoon. The discussions are serious and can be difficult.
"The kids spoke about what it meant to learn about the death of Osama bin Laden," says Monica Meehan, director of curriculum for Common Bond. "Were they supposed to celebrate? Were they supposed to worry that something else was going to happen? Does this mean that their parent actually is really gone?"
This year, the camp is centered on the concept of dignity, and how dignity is both removed and how it can be built up, Meehan says. The camp is not designed to tell students what to feel, she says, but to help guide them through discussions about what they do feel.
"We're taking our horrible experiences that we all faced and taking them and changing them," Griffin says.
For Caitlin Leavey, the camp has helped change the trajectory of her life. Leavey, 20, a New York University junior from Westchester, N.Y., has attended the camp four times, but she says her first time at the camp influenced her decision to major in peace and conflict studies at NYU.
Leavey's father, a New York City firefighter, died on 9/11 during rescue efforts. Wearing an FDNY necklace, she speaks enthusiastically about wanting to help children.
"I want to work with kids affected by violence and war and terrorism," Leavey says. "And there's so much potential to bring together kids from all around the world who have this common bond, this common tragedy."
'Same pain, same struggle'
Fadwa and Farah Sarrawi are attending Common Bond for the first time. The two Palestinian sisters from the West Bank said their father was killed during Israeli-Palestinian violence.
"In this camp, we have the same pain, we have the same struggle, we have the same conflict. And we're here together sharing our experience and our pain," Fadwa says.
Once a connection is formed at Common Bond, it's not easily broken. Griffin hosted a month-long stay for Davina Whiteside, a Northern Ireland teen whom she met at a previous Common Bond camp. The two have gone shopping, traveled to New York City and the Jersey Shore and have generally done "girl things," as they describe it.
Leavey says it's easy to stay in touch with other participants through Facebook. And for Griffin, the participants are people she can call for help, long after the last campfires have been put out and suitcases have been packed.
"Throughout the year, if you have trouble or something relating to your experiences, they're the ones that you call," she says.
"They're the ones that are there for you — even if you're not at camp." |
PROJECT COMMON BOND UNITES INTERNATIONAL TEENS WHOSE LIVES HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY TERRORISM
Tuesday’s Children Hosts Week-Long Peace-Building and Conflict Resolution Forum at Foxcroft School in Virginia from July 23-30, 2011
Manhasset, NY, July 22, 2011- Seventy-seven teens from around the world who have lost a family member to an act of terrorism will join together to form an international alliance called Project Common Bond under the auspices of Tuesday’s Children, the premier non-profit organization serving the needs of the 9/11 community. The eight-day program, now in its fourth year, is changing the lives of young people around the globe through a curriculum that teaches peace-building, mediation and conflict resolution skills.
Tuesday’s Children created Project Common Bond in 2007 in response to a request from 9/11 teens who wanted an opportunity to “give back” through a larger, global initiative. The 2011 Project Common Bond participants will include young adults between the ages of 15 to 20 years old from the United States, Israel, Palestine, Northern Ireland, Russia, Spain, Argentina and Sri Lanka. The program will be held at Foxcroft School in Middleburg, Virginia from July 23rd through July 30th.
According to Terry Sears, Executive Director of Tuesday’s Children, the goal of Project Common Bond is simple and achievable: to impact the lives of young people who have suffered a loss as a result of an act of terrorism – and in doing so, give them opportunities for healing and personal growth, as well as leadership skills so they can help others.
During the eight-day forum, the young adults will participate in therapeutic group work, community-building activities, conflict resolution projects and team events designed to foster trust, healing, cooperation and communication. They will also visit Washington, DC, tour the historical Holocaust Museum and the Institute of Peace.
Ms. Sears said, “For these teenagers, the sudden, violent, and public nature of their loss becomes an overwhelming and defining characteristic of their lives. These kids feel different than most of their friends. Often, they are isolated and alone. Their experience is not something that’s easily shared with others.
“At Common Bond, they feel safe. They are suddenly shoulder to shoulder with other teens who understand exactly what they have been through. Common Bond provides them with the opportunity to take their personal tragedy and – with professional guidance from health experts and professionals in conflict resolution – turn their tragedy into strength,” Sears added.
This year marks 19-year old Julie Griffin’s fourth year at Common Bond. Julie, whose father was killed on September 11th, said, “I wouldn’t miss Project Common Bond (PCB) for the world. I love all the people involved in PCB and the way I feel there. For me, PCB is almost like therapy. Talking to other people who have lost someone through terrorism – just as I have – helps me to grow and be a stronger person.”
Ms. Griffin also noted that she has built enduring friendships through Common Bond. “Because of the last three years of camp, I have been to Spain to visit friends from PCB and this summer my best friend from Northern Ireland, Davina, is staying with me in America for a month. I hope to expand my friendships with the people I have already met through PCB and make even more friends along the way.”
The curriculum was designed by Harvard University Law School’s Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program and incorporates a second Harvard-designed program, the Dignity Model by Donna Hicks of the Weatherhead Center of International Affairs.
The symposium is being delivered by a team of professionals, coordinated by Curriculum Director and family therapist Monica Meehan McNamara, which includes Stephan Sonnenberg, a recent Lecturer on Law and a Clinical Instructor in the Harvard Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program.
Kathy Murphy, Director of Project Common Bond and Tuesday’s Children’s teen programs, said, “At Project Common Bond, we are helping to build the next generation of teachers, doctors, business people, lawyers, engineers, scientists, mothers and fathers. Each of our Project Common Bond kids – no matter where they live – will have a better understanding of how to get by in a very imperfect world and the tools to do it with.”
Ms. Murphy noted that Tuesday’s Children ensures that Project Common Bond is year-round experience for the participants. Following the week-long forum, Tuesday’s Children organizes web-based symposia, blogs, chats and events that keeps the teens actively engaged in the program.
Ms. Murphy also thanked the Foxcroft School for its generosity in providing a Project Common Bond scholarship to an international participant, and for opening up their beautiful facilities for this special program.
Project Common Bond is designed and directed by Tuesday’s Children with the active engagement of its international partners. For a full list of the 2011 participating organizations click here.
###
Tuesday’s Children is a non-profit family service organization that has made a long term commitment to every individual impacted by the events of September 11, 2001 and more recently those who have been impacted by terrorist incidents worldwide. Since 2001, Tuesday’s Children has promoted healing and recovery by strengthening family resilience, providing individual coping and life management skills and creating community through programs, mental health support and family engagement opportunities.
About Foxcroft School (www.foxcroft.org ) Founded in 1914, Foxcroft is a college-preparatory boarding and day school for girls in grades 9-12. The 2010-11 student body was comprised of 157 girls from 20 states, eight countries and the District of Columbia. Foxcroft offers more then 90 courses, including 17 Advanced Placement classes, nine interscholastic sports and an outstanding riding program.
|
|
|
Press & Media
